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My thoughts at 9pm.. Things are changing slowly, and all these feeling are so familiar once again. It is like back to where it all started, but this time, I know I want a different kind of ending. But this time, however, I think I'm a little bit wiser and also fearful at the same time. I don't want to commit and then break things, I don't know if I will make the same mistakes. Part of me love it and another part is pulling me back very tightly. I don't know if I will be able to make it. Hopefully at the end of the day, I won't be having the mindset that the opposite genders are jerks, because I've heard so many things that have went wrong, and even some of them I experienced it myself. All I want is history not to repeat itself. But now at 19, everything seems so scary. Commitment is such a big word, till the day I die sounds like a very long time. I don't know if I will be able to do it. I want my next to be my last, I know it. |