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Hopeless Romantic. A very common word used to describe my idol in the music industry - Taylor Swift. If you've been alive on this earth for long enough, you will know that Taylor Swift is known for having a long list of ex-lovers, and when those relationship ends, she will write a hate song about them. At least this is what the media portrays her to be. (Which is pretty sad) I saw a post on tumblr and she was sharing with the interviewer about how she is a hopeless romantic. If you don't know what that means, being a hopeless romantic simply means that when you fall in love, you just FALL. You become so obsessed with that person and that person literally becomes your LIFE. Then that made me ponder about my own life: am I a hopeless romantic? The answer is a hard NO. In fact, I'm quite on the other extreme of a hopeless romantic. I love people, of course I do. But I know that even if I fall in love with someone, or even in a relationship, I don't give my 100%. I cannot get myself to just trust someone with my whole life. This is kind of extreme, and it is very damaging on my future. I can foresee that. This is what happens if people like me has a boyfriend: I will love, but I don't give it my all. I don't love someone/something with my WHOLE LIFE. I sacrifice, but my priority is still myself. I trust you, but probably just a little bit above all my friends & good friends. Will I regret someday? Yes. This is a personal struggle. I share many things with many people, and in the list of things that I share it is either things that I tell EVERYONE or things that I tell NO ONE at all. So if you know something about me, probably 20 other knows about it too, if we happen to talk about that topic. If you're asking me to try to trust someone that much, it is something very personal and I'm trying to break through. The reason I don't try hard enough is because I've seen friendships and relationships failed, and it hurts very badly. So this is kind of like an emotional self-defense I guess? To not get too involved so you won't get hurt. What's the point of trying too hard when people leave when the time is up anyway? It happens all the time, people are in your life for a period of time.. 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years.. and eventually they might just be not there anymore. the point is I don't see eternal value in it, so why waste the effort when the pain is coming, sooner or later. I'm not exactly ranting, it is just something I felt like talking about. I'm not a hopeless romantic, I'm quite the opposite. People like me find it hard to fall in love, to express their love toward people, have problems trusting people. If you meet people like these, please understand the walls that they've built up. there are stories that you've probably never heard before and you probably never will. |