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Fearless?
I can't be literally fearless. I'm fearful of many things, even of you. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong things, I'm afraid to speak up. I'm afraid I'll make you angry. I'm always saying things that won't make people angry, even though it is not how I REALLY feel. Because of this, I have a fear whenever I'm around some people, especially those that are VERY important to me. I'm afraid that people will hate me, scold me, or simply change their view about me if I really say what I really feel. I mean, okay. People always say "it's how you feel, so JUST SAY IT. there's nothing wrong." oh really? What I think now is that in most situation, people have a specific answer in mind, and that they want people to say that. If not, they will be angry or unhappy. Logical? Yes. I don't mean this for words only, I also mean other things like liking a certain food or something like that. There is this specific response that people EXPECT you to give, or simply WANT you to give. So technically, you cannot give you personal response anymore. I think that I'm the victim of this kind of situation, and also the cause of it, sometimes. Everyone have different point of view, you cannot force anyone to say what you like, but you can make people feel scared of saying what they really think. Then, think about it, will that person ever show his/her true self? No. Even so, very seldom. As for myself, I have changed into saying what the other person wants me to say, how the person want me to behave. That's why I act totally differently in front of different people. If I'm being myself, then I'll be super talkative and loud and hyper, saying anything that I like. Or if I'm sharing something personal, I'll be soft and not take the whole thing so seriously. |